mười lăm . write for self

*i asked a question and used writing to answer myself*

why do we travel? why do we spend endless days and money to touch things that we don't know, to listen to language we don't understand, to meet people we have never met? in between bus stops from the last trip i woke up while the moon was still a vague figure in the dark blue sky, thinking to myself the reason i have chosen this lifestyle and this road. is it just for an image of an "adventurous, well-travelled, interesting" person to be build up on social media and people's eyes? is it an escape from the problems and the people i couldn't face where i am from? is it to learn? why can't i learn back home? is it to grow? why can't i grow at home?

traveling, i think, is not another part of your life that you set aside in a special chapter. it is life. it is here. it can be a bit more challenging, it can be a bit more freeing, still it is not that different. you are living. being on a camel's back or sitting in your office's chair, it is all living, nothing more than the other, nothing glamorous and nothing boring. and you have to be aware of reality, of this very now moment. 

reality is lovesick for this particular human's warmth, is not fitting in anywhere, is meeting people that you will rarely remember, is struggling to keep all the relationships you have developed not fading away. it is also the smell of ginger in chai tea or the burning hot delicious piece of kulcha, it is meeting the person who makes the embroidery shoes you bought, it is sharing a free simple meal with thousands people sitting barefoot inside a temple. i can tell you for days and nights of the things i have and the thing i lost. i still don't have, and probably never gonna have the answer for "why". just like back then when i make a decision to leave, it is just this firm trust in myself and whatever life has to offer.

after all the act of questioning distracts us from the joy of being now. life is real and raw, mundane and beautiful. just a little reminder for myself, whatever you chose, whoever you are, be all there.